Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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