I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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