This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
