OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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