I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
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She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
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Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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