just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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