the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
