My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
