i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize