carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
