I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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