I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
