that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
