the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
