mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
