dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
