I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
