If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
