You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize