I just threw up on my dentist
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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