I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
