Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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