Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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