I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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