The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
