its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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