My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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