I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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