My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
