I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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