I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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