Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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