Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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