Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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