My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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