the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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