I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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