Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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