Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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