Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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