I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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