Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
