WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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