I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
