i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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