if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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