i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
