I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
