I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
