Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drunk is not a location!
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