is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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