He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
