Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
