It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
