john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
