We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
