Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
