Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
