half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
