New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
