is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is the high leading the old right now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
