Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
its not stalking. its research.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
