My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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