i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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