i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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