i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He passed out mid-signature
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
