i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
