I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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