real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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