At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
