Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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