Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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