i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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