I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize